Fun Times of the Caribbean
by Cause I'm Freaken Awesome
Summary: A collection of stories of funny and awkward moments in the pirates' lives...stories will most likely be very short...
1. Teague's Sack

About two years after his adventures began, Jack Sparrow found himself in an interesting situation. He was alone in the Faithful Bride, which was full of rum soaked pirates. There was a storm raging outside, though the only way one would notice is if they saw the rain leaking through the ceiling...

And, of course, Jack was reaching under the chair of a legendary pirate for a sack...

Jack bit his lips in concentration. His fingers were stretched out as long as they could possibly get. After all, if Jack was correct, that was Captain Teague's sack, one that Jack's mother made for him. And if Jack knew him well, father or not, Teague would not be happy if he knew that Jack let that sack slip by...

Jack had just grabbed the bag when, without warning, the pirate's fist came flying at his face. That was the last thing he saw before everything went black...

"Damn it." Teague mumbled, after realizing that he punched Jack...


	2. Time of the Month

It was late into the day as Teague stumbled into his cabin, half awake. He had been at the helm since the storm came, the afternoon before. Now that it had pass, Teague had decided that the whole crew should take the rest of the day to rest.

'_I'll go check on Roxxi later.'_ Teague thought to himself. Roxxi was the youngest member of the crew, only nine years old. Teague knew that she could take care of himself, but he wasn't taking any chances with that storm, and ordered her to stay below deck. Teague found her to be very interesting...

Teague was just about to lay down when he heard a scream. Panicked, he grabbed his effects, and rushed below deck...

In a small cabin...

Teague ran in, just pulling on his jacket. Roxxi sat in her bed, her icy blue eyes wide with fear. Her red and black hair was a mess, still needing to be brushed, as she looked up. "Roxxi, what is it?" Teague asked, confused.

"I think I got injured in my sleep last night Captain." Roxxi said, scared. "I-I don't know how, but I'm bleeding."

"From where?"

Roxxi shrugged. "I don't know how I could've gotten hurt there. But I know that's where I'm bleeding from cause it hurts!"

"Why?"

Roxxi's face turned bright red as she pulled the blanket aside. Staining both her white nightgown and the dirty bed sheet, was a puddle of blood. Teague was about to run out and get the medical supplies, when he remembered something...

Teague had seen something very similar before, when he was in Shipwreck Cove with his wife...

'_Why me?' _Teague thought, annoyed, as he turned to explain to Roxxi what 'her time of the month' meant...


	3. Rabbits

"Thank you Daddy! Five year old Jack Sparrow shouted, holding his new pet...

Teague couldn't help but to smile at Jack, who walked away. Teague had said 'no' to getting Jack a puppy, though he was tempted to. Instead of the puppy, Teague bought a pure white rabbit, which Jack named Fluffy. It was a female rabbit with a tiny white fluffy tail.

Unfortunately, no one had any idea what was about to happen...

One year later...

Teague came back to Shipwreck Cove after sailing around Madagascar for about a year, and Shipwreck Cove was full of rabbits. Rabbits everywhere. Black, white, brown, gray, spotted. Teague looked around, confused...

Just then, Jack saw him. "Da! Look at all the rabbits!"

"I see them." Teague said. "That's all I see. What did I tell you about spending money?"

"Spend wisely." Jack said. "But Da! They were free!"

"Wha?" Teague mumbled, confused as he picked up a rabbit that had hopped over to him. It was a little reddish brown rabbit. It was then that he remembered something that he read about rabbits...

They reproduce very quickly...


	4. Get Better Real Soon

"I hate snow." Teague complained, looking out the window of the Study in Shipwreck Cove. After years of keeping the windows boarded up, he finally got rid of the boards...

"It's too dark in here." His son, Jack Sparrow complained, during his last visit. Jack hadn't stayed for too long, only about two days, but long enough to notice the darkness. "Might help if some sunlight could get through."

So, Teague spent one of his free days to take down all the boards. After that, he couldn't help but to admit that Jack was right. Shipwreck Cove was suddenly not as gloomy as before...

And then Teague started sneezing...

As it turns out, Teague's jacket wasn't thick enough for him to be spending hours outside in the snow...

Teague was still complaining when there was a knock on the door. "What?"

"Captain, there's a package for you." A man said. "It's from Jackie."

Teague rolled his eyes, before getting up to open the door and grabbing the package. "Thanks." He mumbled, before closing the door. "Now, let's see what that boy sent." First, Teague looked at the letter...

'_Da,_

_I heard you caught a cold. We don't have much luck, do we? You catch a cold, I lose my ship, almost makes one wish he were born into a different family. Almost. Then again, if I were that unlucky, I wouldn't have Sao Feng's Charts, now would I? Exactly. I couldn't agree more! All I need now is the Pearl and a new crew. That shouldn't be too hard, right? I've been able to put together three different crews before. Yes, to me the Barnacle was a ship worthy of a crew. And that was a good crew too! Except for that Aristobrat and smelly cat-like thing. Huh, I never figured out if that was really Jean's sister or not..._

_Anyways, I hope this package make you feel better! I know, pirates should give gifts, but you know what they say: it's better to give than to receive! _

_-Jackie'_

_P.S. I know, I went off topic with that first part. I'd rewrite this letter except for the fact that this is my last sheet of paper...'_

Teague couldn't help but to smirk at the letter. _'Who the hell is 'Jean' and why would I care?'_ He thought, setting the letter aside to open the package. Inside a crate was a plant in a small pot. The plant had three large flower buds. Tied to the stem was a tag saying: _'Give me sunlight!'_ in Jack's handwriting...

Teague placed the plant on the window sill, before sitting down at his desk to write back to Jack. 'I'll use the Faithful Bride's address for this. He's bound to show up there at some point.'

Just then, Teague started hearing singing...

"Get better real soon!

Get better real soon!

Get better real soon, Captain Teague!

Get better real soon!"

Annoyed, Teague closed the curtain. Instantly, the singing stopped. After a moment, he looked back at the plant. _'Jackie probably would get upset if I didn't take care of that stupid thing, even if he doesn't show it...'_ He then reopened the curtain...

"Get better real soon!

Get better-"

Teague closed the window again, and the singing stopped again. "Oh great, now I'm hearing things!" He mumbled, opening the curtain yet again. As soon as the curtain was open, the singing started again...

That's when Teague noticed something odd: every time the curtain opened, the flower buds would open up into three large flowers...

Teague picked up the pot and moved it out of the sunlight. Instantly, the singing stopped and the flowers closed. As soon as the plant was back in the sun, the flower petals opened and the singing started up again...

A month later...

Jack was walking over to his favorite table in the Faithful Bride, with a letter in his hand from Teague. He was very surprised when Mr. Gibbs handed him the letter. Teague rarely wrote to Jack...

Jack sat down, with a bottle of rum and the charts, and opened the letter:

'_Jackie,_

_You have some guts boy, sending me bloody singing flowers! If I weren't so sick, I'd be over there making you wish you hadn't sent me those things! What the bloody Hell were you thinking? You'd better be glad I'm sick! You know why I'm sick boy? Cause you had to complain about how dark the Cove is! You know I spent my day off taking old rotting boards off the window? No, I bet you didn't!_

_Just so you know, I burned that stupid plant._

_-Da'_

"So." Mr. Gibbs said, sitting down across from Jack. "What did he say?"

Jack smirked, folding up the letter and stuffing it into his jacket pocket. "He loved it." He lied, before holding out his hand. "I won."

"Damn." Mr. Gibbs said, placing a small bag of coins in Jack's hand. "If I'd known Teague would like those blasted things, I wouldn't have made such a large bet against it."

Jack grinned, shaking the bag. "It's just good business mate."

* * *

**The 'Get Better Real Soon' song goes with the 'Happy Birthday' melody**

**I actually thought of this while playing with my little cousin...**

**I actually wrote this months ago...but I didn't really like it much...**


	5. Santa Claus is Coming to Town

**I just had to write this for Christmas!!!**

**Sorry it's late...I was in too much of a bad mood to do anything last week...**

* * *

It was Christmas Eve on Shipwreck Island. The ground was covered in thick blanket of snow, and the air was full of the sounds of festive people. Children were playing in the snow. The adults were either shopping or working in the shops, wishing everybody a merry Christmas. The winter birds were chirping to each other. Some women had already started cooking the holiday dinners, filling the air with the smell. The makings of a perfect Christmas...

Six year old Jack ran into Shipwreck Cove, ready for the lunch that his mother probably already had sitting out on the table. He had been out, playing in the snow with all the other kids, throwing snow balls at each other. He wasn't surprised to find a bowl of warm soup waiting for him on the table...

What surprised him was the note next to the bowl, that was written with a spidery, almost cryptic, handwriting,

_'Your Mum left early to go to the doctor's this morning. She said that she wont be back until tomorrow. If you need me, you know where to find me.'_

_'Of course I know where to find you! You never leave the Study.'_ Jack thought, annoyed. Then he had an idea.

In the Study...

Teague was whistling a song when he heard a knock on the door. "Come in."

Jack walked in. "Hey Da, Mum told me that she'd help me write to Santa. Since she's not here, can you help me?"

"Why not just shoot the man, and take all his stuff?" Teague said. He couldn't help but to smirk at the horrified look on Jack's face. "I'm just messing with you. Anyways, get over here and I'll help you."

Jack's face lit up as he ran over to Teague's side. 'Ok, for Christmas, I want-"

"Hang on." Teague said, pulling over a stool for Jack to sit on. Then he grabbed a sheet of paper. "Now, what do you want for Christmas?"

* * *

A few minutes later...

_'Dear Santa,_

_For Christmas this year, I want..._

_*a hat_

_*a ship_

_*a sword_

_*a pistol_

_*a parrot_

_*a monkey_

_*a compass_

_*treasure, lots of treasure_

_*an unlimited supply of rum_

_*a mummified cat, like the one on Da's ship...'_

"Jackie, anymore stuff and you'll kill those poor reindeer!" Teague said. "They've already got to fly that fat guy around the world!"

"Ok."

"Now, you got put this under that tree your Mum forced me to cut down the other day." Teague said. "I've got work to do."

"Sure!" Jack said, grabbing the paper. That's when he noticed something. "Da, why's your pistol on the table?"

Teague smirked. "Santa Claus is coming to town."

"Da, you wouldn't-"

"Your Mum isn't here to stop me this year." Teague reminded Jack.

"Then I'm gonna tell Mum!" Jack said, running out...

Teague picked up his pistol and got back to polishing it while whistling...

* * *

**hmm...I should try writing something that doesn't involve Teague...but I just love writing about him...**


	6. Lucky Rabbit

"I'm really getting tired of this man." Barbossa complained, walking towards the Captain's Cabin. "I should've just shot him all those years ago when I had the chance."

It was the third time in two years that Jack had managed to track down the Pearl. Every time Jack would quickly move his few belongings into the Captain's Cabin. And every time, Barbossa would find some random island to leave Jack on after about a week. Then, about a month later, Jack was back...

What frustrated Barbossa the most was that, after he was left in Tortuga, Jack hid the charts in Shipwreck Cove...

Barbossa walked straight into the office area of the Cabin, and saw Jack sitting at the desk, petting something. "Sparrow, what's that?"

Jack looked up, smirking. "It's a stuffed rabbit." He said holding up the spotted stuffed rabbit. "I know a man, that knows a man, that knows a woman that can stuff animals like this for a low price."

Barbossa looked at the rabbit. "It's real?"

Jack nodded, putting the rabbit back on the desk. "I shot him myself."

"Why a rabbit?"

"I've realized that I needed some luck."

"You only need the left hind foot."

"Think of it this way: this rabbit was four feet, which means four times the luck." Jack said, petting the rabbit.

"You know it doesn't work that way."

"Or does it?"

"It doesn't." Barbossa said. "Don't you think that the other three feet might bring you bad luck?"

"Never thought of that." Jack said, picking the rabbit up to look at him. Then he just shrugged. "I'm still not getting rid of him. He's sort of like a pet. I even named him."

Barbossa rolled his eyes. "What did you name him?"

"Hector."

* * *

**I love rabbits. They're so cute!!! I want to get a pet rabbit, but my mom keeps saying no cause she thinks they stink...**

**If she does ever change her mind, I'm going to get a white rabbit and I'm naming it Usagi ("rabbit" in Japanese. It was also Sailor Moon's Japanese name.)**

**I got a stuffed rabbit (toy) at CVS the other day that looks exactly like a real rabbit! I brought it to school (yeah, I'm not really a mature high school senior...) and I had people walk up to me to ask if it's real.**

**That toy rabbit inspired me to write this story...**


	7. Wedding Present

After a long day, Will and Elizabeth were walking to Will's house. They were busily trying to plan their wedding. Currently, they were working on the guest list.

"Will, we should invite Jack and-"

"No." Will said. "Inviting Jack is only going to cause trouble. Besides, the only reason he would come is to drink as much wine as possible."

"But Will, he did help us a lot." Elizabeth said. "If it weren't for him, I probably would've drowned when I fell from the fort."

The house was small with few neighbors. Will had just bought the house a few weeks after returning to Port Royal. He used his good hard-earned money to buy the house in an area that no pirate could ever find, for a good reason. Will never wanted to see or hear from Jack Sparrow again. He looked forward to a peaceful life with Elizabeth. With no pirating adventures.

"Will, you know Jack has no reason to go looking for us." Elizabeth said, out of breath. They'd been walking in the afternoon heat for half an hour. "He has the Pearl."

Will stuck the key in the door. "I'd rather be safe than-"

Inside the door was a chest. It was a simple wooden chest with a letter on top. Will and Elizabeth looked at each other as he kneeled down and picked up the letter.

'_Dear William and Lizzie,_

_Just wanted to say thanks for helping me get my beloved ship back. She's just as beautiful as I remembered. Of course, my cabin smells like something died there, but other than that, everything's perfect. Anyways, we've been visiting Isla de Muerta a lot lately and I thought I'd send you two a wedding present._

_Oh also, thanks for saving my skin._

_-Captain Jack Sparrow_

_Captain of the Black Pearl_

_P.S.: William, you have a very nice little house. I may have to stop by next year for a while...'_

* * *

**I can picture Jack doing that...breaking into Will's house to leave a wedding present...**


	8. That Bloody Man

Jack was in the Faithful Bride, sitting at a table with some 'friends'. Jean was sitting to his left, with Constance on his lap. Jack tried not to watch the dirty, greasy cat eat a fish on the edge of the table. Tumen was on Jean's left, busy eating a stew. Arabella was on Tumen's left, flirting with Billy Turner, who was unsuccessfully to hide his blushing. Next to Billy Turner was Laura who, if it weren't for Mr. Reece holding her hand, would probably be yelling at her daughter. Anyone who looked could see her free hand in a shaking fist.

They were all still pretty beat up from fighting Torrents. Cuts and bruises all over, along with spinsters and burns on half of them. But at least they won, and weren't here to hide. Jack was only happy to be able to sit in a public place in Tortuga with out pirates trying to kill him, like he thought. Actually, it was like nobody remembered him ever being there, let alone starting a brawl that nearly wrecked the tavern he sat in now. They didn't even remember Arabella working there. Or maybe they'd changed more in the past year than Jack thought.

Jack stretched his arms out over his head with his fingers interlocked, before leaning back in the chair with his neck in his hands. He couldn't help but to smirk, relaxing for once. With all of the yelling, gunshots, glass shattering, and the occasional chair breaking, it was like home. Except no one was trying to kill him or telling him what to do.

Then a familiar voiced called his name, causing the smile to melt off Jack's face.

The man then walked over to Jack, and placed his hand on the teenager's shoulder. "And here I thought you hated Tortuga, Jackie." Teague said, smirking.

Teague's voice caught everyone's attention. Jack forced a grin, turning to Teague. "I thought you already left."

"The Misty Lady needed more repairs than I thought." Teague said breezily. "We were going to set off this morning, but then I saw this." He pointed at Jack's bandana. "So, your shoulder doing better?"

"Much better."

"So I've heard." Teague said, finally taking a good look at Jack. "Bloody hell! What happened to you?"

Jack's face turned red, almost as red as his bandana. "Why?"

"You look like the kraken ate you and spat you back out!" Teague said, looking at everyone at the table. "Ah! You all do!"

"We fought Captain Torrents." Laura said flatly. She was angry at Teague for what he said, but she knew she couldn't do anything. Teague is the Keeper of the Code afterall.

Jack shook his head. "No! I fought Torn Pants-"

"Torrents." Arabella corrected.

Jack rolled his eyes. "Torrents."

"Jackie, it's not good for a man to have too much pride." Teague said. "It's obvious everybody at this table fought Torn Pants-"

"Torrents." Arabella corrected.

"Whatever." Teague said, before gesturing for Jack to stand. He looked over the teenager, picking at his clothes to get a better look at his scars, frowning the whole time. "Jackie, you sure you don't need a doctor?"

"I'm sure." Jack said, getting more and more embarrassed by the minute as he quickly sat down.

Laura couldn't help but to get curious, watching Teague. "Captain Teague, you and Jack seem close."

Teague nodded. "You could say that."

"I don't understand." Laura said.

'_Don't say it. Don't say it.'_ Jack thought, practically begging. The last thing he wanted was-

Teague smirked, the classic Sparrow smirk. "You really don't?" He asked, before turning to Jack. "Well Jackie, I have to go. Your Mum will be wanting to hear about you." He then placed his hands on both of Jack's shoulders, and spoke to Laura. "Captain Smith, please make sure Jackie here stays out of trouble. Especially now that the Company pretty much knows my relation with him."

"If he controls his mouth." Laura said, annoyed with Jack.

Teague turned to Jack. "Make sure you're still in one piece the next time I see you." He said, giving one of Jack's shoulders a squeeze, before walking away.

Laura watched Jack. "Your relation with Captain Teague?"

Jack sighed, deciding that he'd might as well say it What Jack said next shocked everybody, resulting in the table being covered in a fine mist of Tumen's soup and six dropped jaws. "Unfortunately, that bloody man's my Da."

* * *

**...and I'm back to another story with Teague...**


	9. Barbossa's Poem

"And where are you two going?" Teague asked, standing at the door to Shipwreck Cove's Study. He was wearing his usual clothes: red cape-like jacket over a dull mix of brown and white, faded green bandana over his greasy curly black hair, which had tiny crosses braided in. He stood there, smirking at the teenage boy infront of him.

The teenage boy had an embarrassed smile on his face. The thirteen year old had fair skin, short auburn hair that curled around the top of his ears, and icy blue eyes. He was wearing a white shirt, blue vest, gold sash, dark brown trousers, and black knee high boots. He was holding a sleeping baby against his shoulder. "Captain Teague, I can explain."

"You'd better be able to." Teague said, carefully taking his son back. "You know any other man would've shot you on the spot. Kidnaping a pirate's son. I hope you knew what you were doing, Hector."

"It's Barbossa."

"You never had a problem with 'Hector' before." Teague said, before a thought came to him. "Walk with me."

Young Barbossa nervously followed Teague back to baby Jack's room. The room was small, with only a small bed and a few stuffed animals. Teague placed the baby back in the bed, with the two long pillows on either side of him. Teague was still more than slightly nervous about his son rolling over in his sleep. Once satisfied, he smirked. "So, what's her name?"

"What?" Barbossa asked, startled. "Who?"

"The lass you're trying so hard to impress." Teague said, looking over at Barbossa. "I was thirteen once too Boy. I know what it's like."

Barbossa stood there, unsure of what to say. This wasn't a talk he wanted to have with any adult, let alone his father's best friend. Though it couldn't be helped much, since he was left at the Sparrows' 'house' while his father was in Tortuga, arguing with the boy's mother. He looked around, trying to find something to distract himself. The gray rock walls didn't help. "Nobody."

Teague turned around completely to face Barbossa. The boy was still a head shorter than him. "How about this: you tell me everything and I'll tell your da nothing."

"Fine."

"Name then?"

"Her name's Cathy. She lives in the house across the street from my room."

Teague sighed, running his hand through his curly hair. "Let me guess, you got the boards down?"

"Aye."

"And her room is directly across the street?"

"No!" Barbossa said, a bit too quickly.

Teague smirked, placing his hand on Barbossa's shoulder and leading him to the Main Hall. "Lad, you're never going to get her to talk to you by gawking at her while she gets dressed."

"I don't watch her change." Barbossa said, though his bright red face betrayed him.

After sitting in his throne, Teague looked up at Barbossa. "If you want her to talk to you, you're gonna need to impress her."

"That's what I was trying to do!"

"There are better ways than kidnaping." Teague said, picking up his guitar. "Ever thought of giving her flowers? Women love flowers and a good poem. I know my wife loves red roses."

"Red roses and a poem?"

"Aye Boy. That should do the trick."

* * *

The next day...

Teague saw Barbossa walk in the back door. "Well, what did I tell you?"

"She hates me." Barbossa said, sounding completely defeated. "She slapped me."

Teague couldn't believe his ears. The girl didn't like the flowers and poem! He didn't know what to say. Should he have mentioned that women also love chocolate? "What happened?"

"I came to her house after buying the roses. She was home alone when I came. I gave her the bloody flowers and told her the poem. Before I finished, she threw the blasted flowers at the ground and slapped me!"

"Oh lord. What was your poem about?"

Barbossa looked down at his boots nervously. "Well...I couldn't think of what to write last night..."

"So you...?"

Barbossa swallowed nervously. "So I wrote about the first thing I could think of..."

"Which was...?"

Barbossa took a deep breath to try to calm himself down. It didn't work. "I wrote about watching her undress every night."

* * *

**I was thinking about actually writing the poem as the ending but I really couldn't...I am a girl after all...**

**I thought of this last night...I caught a cold and couldn't sleep...**

**So anyways...if Barbossa seems out of character, remember: this is way before the movies...enough time for him to end up as the messed up, old, strange, monkey-loving, immortality-obsessed pirate we all hate to admit we love...**

**By the way: If there are any guys reading this, watching a girl undress every night and writing a poem to her about it is NOT the way to impress her...**


	10. What's Love Like?

"Say, Hector?" Eight year old Jack Sparrow said, hanging upside down in a tree. The boy was wearing a white shirt, blue vest, red striped sash, and brown boots-all of which hadn't been washed in weeks. Jack's mother had tried to get him to change clothes, but he refused. Worst part is that Captain Teague-the man who may or may not be Jack's father-backed him up. "What's love like?"

"How should I know?" Twenty year old Hector Barbossa asked flatly, uninterested in love. He was wearing a white shirt, dark blue vest, gold sash, dark colored trousers, and back boots. He was trying to read a book, but couldn't get rid of Jack.. "And why do you wanna know?"

"It looks gross." Jack said, pulling himself right side up on the tree branch. Now he had his legs swinging in the air. "I saw Mum and Da kissing last night. They seem to like it a lot, but it still looked gross."

"Ever heard of _'Romeo and Juliet'_?"

"Yeah. Grandmama told me it was the dumbest play Shakespeare ever wasted his time on. Mum says that it's her favorite love story." Jack replied. "She read it to me once. I think I fell asleep at the part where _'pair of star-cross'd lovers take their life...'_. That's near the end, right?"

'_No, that's part of the prolouge.'_ Barbossa thought, sighing as he closed his book, a copy of Macbeth. It wasn't like Barbossa really cared for Shakespeare himself. He was staying in Shipwreck Cove until Teague set sail again, and the only books the young man could get his hands on were copies of Shakespeare's plays. "The 'star-cross'd lovers' are Romeo and Juliet. Their families don't like each other, but the two fall in love. In the end, they kill themselves."

"So love is finding someone you'd kill yourself with?" Jack asked, scared and confused. He knew his parents loved each other. What if one day they decided to die together? What would happen to him?

"No! No! No!" Barbossa said quickly. "Romeo and Juliet died for each other. At least, I think that's what Shakespeare meant to happen."

"So love is finding the one you'd die for?" Jack asked, still disgusted with the idea. Even if love was something like that, kissing still looked gross. Jack was still at the age where girls were gross and should not be touched. Except for his Mum of course...

"I guess." Barbossa said, shrugging.

"Then I'm never ever gonna fall in love!" Jack declared, crossing his arms over his chest. "I'm gonna spend the rest of my life playing with you Hector, ok?"

"Sure." Barbossa said, rolling his eyes. _'Give him a year or two. He'll be out of your life then...'_

* * *

**Thirty or forty something years later, Barbossa still can't get rid of Jack...**

**Sorry if it isn't funny...ran outta chocolate...**


	11. Itchy Spot

"Jack?" Will asked, standing in the dinghy. The Dutchman was nearby, called by a dying sailor. Will would've missed Jack's dinghy if Bootstrap hadn't recognized the flag on the tiny boat's mast. "Are you alright?"

"Does it look like I'm bloody alright Whelp?" Jack spat, shooing Will away with his hand. Jack was laying at the bottom of the dinghy with his right arm around a half empty bottle of rum. He did not look alright.

Will sighed, looking at his old friend. "Jack, what's wrong?"

"Haven't slept all night!" Jack said, before sitting up. He then started reaching for his back. "Being as I'm not as clean as you and your lovely murderess seem to be-which is something I shall never understand seeing as you two seem to also always be surrounded by people as dirty as I find myself-I have a spot I can't reach that wont stop bothering me."

"You have an itchy spot on your back?" Will asked, smiling.

"Itchy spot?" Jack mumbled, before his eyes lit up. "That's exactly right!" He then turned around. "Mind scratching it for me William?"

_'Might as well.'_ Will thought, as he started scratching Jack's back.

"Little over to the left." Jack said, as Will moved his hand. "No, the other left."

"You mean right?" Will asked, moving his hand over to the right.

"Oi! That's the spot!" Jack said, smiling. "Alright! Alright! That's good!"

Smiling, Will stood back up. "Now get some rest." He said. Jack was passed out even before he finished talking.

Eight hours later, Jack woke up alone in the dinghy with a gift from Will laying next to him. A back scratcher...

* * *

**Inspiration for this story: I think my puppy's legs are actually a bit too small for her to scratch her head through all of her fur (she's a chow chow) so she keeps trying, but it never seems to work. But of course, if I try, she tries to bite. Oh well...she'll grow...**


	12. No Cursing

Shipwreck Cove was completely silent. It seemed like the whole world stopped dead from what had just happened. Captain Jack Sparrow had been playing a card game with Barbossa in the Main Hall. Jack had lost again and…

"Fuck!" Jack shouted. "Why can't I fucking win?"

Teague ran in. "Hey! No cursing!"

"We're pirates." Jack said flatly. "Why the fuck can't we say curse like the nasty, dirty, rude, sick, bastards we are?"

"CAUSE THIS IS A DISNEY FAN FICTION!" Teague shouted, thoroughly annoyed now. "That's why."

"What the hell is Disney, fan fiction, and why should I give a damn about either one?"

Barbossa rolled his eyes and Jack and Teague continued to yell at each other. He then got up and left. "Always the same old shit."

* * *

**Yep...a nice short chapter...very short... **


	13. Teasing

"I'll be right back." Teague said sternly to thirteen year old Hector Barbossa. "You watch Jackie. Make sure nothing happens to him. Or else…"

Teague then left the room, smirking. That threat was nothing more than Teague teasing out of boredom. Barbossa had absolutely nothing to worry about.

Unfortunately, he didn't know…

So, Barbossa just stood there with a horrified look on his face. _'Or else…'_ kept echoing through his head. Then he heard giggling. Slowly, he turned towards the bed.

One year old Jack Sparrow stood there, smiling with a toy bird in his hands. "Up!" He said, holding the bird up above his head.

"Uh…later." Barbossa said.

"Up!" Jack said again, annoyed.

"No."

"Up!" Jack repeated, whining this time. Then Jack started jumping on the bed, discovering that-when he did-the bird did end up going up too.

"Stop that!" Barbossa said, scared. "Please stop before you-"

Suddenly, Jack jumped off the bed, landing on a pillow. Immediately, Jack started crying as loud as he could.

Hearing Jack cry, Teague ran in. "What happened?" He asked, shocked. After a year of Barbossa helping to care for the baby, this was the first time any thing happened.

"I was watching him…and he started jumping on the bed…and I told him to stop but he wouldn't listen…and…and…" Barbossa started, before he was crying too. "I'm sorry. Please don't shoot me."

_'Where did he get that idea from?_' Teague wondered, sitting down on the bed and patting the teenager's shoulder. He then smirked, happy with his idea. "I'll let you off easy this time, Boy, since it is the first time, but next time…oh, next time, I wont be so merciful…"

* * *

**I was just walking through my kitchen one day, trying to think of something yummy to eat, when I suddenly just pictured Teague trying to deal with a crying baby and a crying boy. I nearly started cracking up in the middle of the kitchen from that.**

**I went to Five Below again today. Still full of Teague action figures. I love Teague. And my boyfriend, who can tolerate me liking pirates so much...**


	14. Lellow!

Teague never thought that teaching a child how to talk would be so difficult. He thought everyone else had trouble simply because they never tried hard enough. Now he realized just how hard it was…

His own son was having trouble saying one word: yellow.

"Jackie, what color is this?" Teague asked, holding a banana.

"Lellow!" Little Jack said, smiling. He was about four years old, and still chubby. He was dressed in a white shirt, dark blue trousers, a red sash, and a pair of brown boots. Teague had dressed him, before taking him to the Captain's Cabin of the Misty Lady for the day.

"It's 'yellow'." Teague said. "The banana is yellow."

"No! It's lellow!"

"It's yellow."

"Lellow!"

"Bloody Hell Boy!" Teague shouted. "THE BANANA IS-"

"Captain Teague!" A young man shouted from the other side of the door. "I have a question."

"Come in!" Teague said, rolling his eyes as he peeled the banana and gave it to Jack.

Sixteen year old Hector Barbossa walked in. He was wearing a white shirt, blue vest, gold sash, dark brown trousers, and black knee high boots. Teague couldn't help but to notice that the teenager was much cleaner and the clothes were neater than usual. Barbossa took a deep breath. "Can I borrow some money?"

"No." Teague said, without even giving it a thought.

"But Captain Teague, I'm taking Cathy out for dinner tonight and-"

"Cathy?" Teague mumbled, before smirking. "Isn't that the lass you write that poem about three years ago? The lass that threw flowers in your face and slapped you? You're still after her?"

"She is beautiful."

"There are plenty of other beautiful women out there. Ones you haven't watched undress from your bedroom window."

"But she finally forgave me over that yesterday."

Teague thought for a moment, before realizing something. "I thought you only took Jackie to that place with the crab legs?" Then a thought hit him. "Does that girl happen to work there?"

"She started a week ago yesterday."

"She works at a restaurant. Go there."

"I need money for an inn."

"Ah." Teague said, nodding. "No. No. Hell no." He then led Barbossa back out the door. "Boy, I've been helping to raise you since you were a few months old. There is no way I'm loaning you money to sleep with some lass." Teague shoved him out the door. "Ask someone else." He then slammed the door.

Teague turned and realized that the banana was gone, mashed up in globs all over the blanket Jack sat on. Sighing, Teague looked around for something yellow. After a few moments, he noticed a gold chain on the desk and grabbed, dangling it in front of Jack. "What color is this?"

Jack grinned, reaching for the chain. "Banana!"

Teague felt like smacking his own forehead. "What?"

"Banana!" Jack repeated, smiling. "It's banana!"

Teague took a deep breath. "And what color is a banana?"

"Lellow!"

Teague finally did smack his own forehead in frustration. "We have a long way to go…"

* * *

**The other day, I was at my grandparents' house (actually, I'm there like once or twice a week now) with my sister. While we were there, my Grandma started talking about me as a little kid. I had trouble saying the word "Yellow" for a long time (I actually didn't talk for a long time cause, as the baby of the family, I never really needed to.) I was thinking about that today, and wrote this story based on that...**

**Yes...at one point, I really did argue that "lellow" and "banana" were colors...**

**Remember Cathy? She's mentioned in Chapter 9 "Barbossa's Poem" if you forgot...**


	15. Rough Day, Boy?

"Ah! Mr. Gibbs! Just the person I wanted to see!" Teague shouted, catching Mr. Gibbs outside of the Faithful Bride in Tortuga. "No idea how you managed to escape the Navy to get here, but that's not important! I'm buying you a drink!"

"Alright." Mr. Gibbs said, nervously as he followed Teague into the tavern. He had no idea what could have made Teague so eager to go to the Faithful Bride. He knew Teague always preferred a much quieter tavern down the road.

"C'mon! Hurry!" Teague said, waving through the crowd to get to the darkest table in the corner of the already dimly lit room. Somehow along the way, he managed to pick up two tankards of ale. "You're so slow. Makes one wonder how you even keep a job."

"You and I both." Mr. Gibbs said. "Captain Teague, what sort of business do we have-"

"Shut it." Teague said, watching a nearby table. Out of curiosity, Mr. Gibbs looked.

At the table was a teenage couple. He then realized exactly why Teague was here. "You're spying on Jack?"

"Curious as to exactly how much of my charm he picked up." Teague said, smirking.

_'He's stalking a child that might not be his out of curiosity?'_ Mr. Gibbs thought, watching Teague for a moment. The smirk had faded into a worried look, still facing the teenage Jack Sparrow. Sighing, he turned back toward the table to get a better look at the girl.

The girl had fair skin, wavy bright red hair that reached the middle of her back, and bright green eyes. She was wearing a simple dark blue dress with a black belt and black boots. She smiled bashfully at whatever Jack had just said.

"I can see why Captain Smith got tired of Jackie, with her having a pretty daughter around his age." Teague mumbled. "Though that Arabella lass seemed too attached to Turner to really notice Jackie."

Jack was about to kiss the girl when she noticed something near the door. Pushing Jack away, she jumped up and ran to the door. There stood another teenage girl. This one was tall, with sun tanned skin, short brown hair, and blue eyes. She was wearing a loose white shirt, a brown vest, a bright red sash, dark blue trousers, and black boots.

What happened next shocked Jack, Teague, and Mr. Gibbs…

The girls wrapped their arms around each other, before going into a long, passionate, kiss…

Jack immediately got up and left the tavern. He walked straight down the street to another tavern called the Sea Turtle and slipped in. He then found a table in the darkest corner of the single room and sat down, somehow already finding a tankard of ale.

"Rough day, Boy?" Teague asked, joining Jack a few minutes later.

"You have no idea."

"Oh no Jackie, I think I have some idea…"

* * *

**At first, it was going to be Barbossa who would be embarrassed...but I decided that Teague would be more curious about Jack...**

**Besides, I can't really imagine Barbossa (even teenage Barbossa) flirting with a girl...**


	16. Teague's Monkey

"She looks great…" Jack mumbled, looking at his mother's shrunken head. He had often daydreamed about returning home to his Mum. This was not quite how he pictured it.

Suddenly, the head was snatched out of Jack's hand. Jack the Monkey screeched at Jack, before running across the floor to Barbossa. Frowning, Barbossa walked over and gave the head back to Teague. "My apologies, Captain Teague. For the loss and for this one's behavior." Barbossa said, while Jack the Monkey sat on his shoulder, grinning.

"Let me see him." Teague said, handing his late wife's head to Jack as he reached an arm out to the monkey. Cautiously, Jack the Monkey left Barbossa's shoulder and climbed onto Teague's arm. "He's a bright one, ain't he?"

"Aye. Smarter than most people I know." Barbossa replied, grinning at Jack.

"It's a shame your flea bag is smarter than yourself." Jack snapped at Barbossa, smirking.

"I had a monkey once. A long time ago." Teague continued, smirking at Jack and Barbossa. "I was probably a little younger than Captain Swann there."

"What happened to your monkey?" Jack asked, very curious. He was born when Teague was just a little older than Elizabeth, and there had been no trace of a monkey anywhere throughout his whole childhood.

"Long story." Teague said, not wanting to tell anyone the truth. That, as a teenager, he was marooned on an island in Indonesia. It was just him, a pistol with a single shot, a cutlass, the clothes on his back, and his monkey, all alone on an otherwise beautiful island. It was either the monkey died or they both starved to death…

Of course, the fire used to cook dinner that night caught the attention of a passing ship that ended up rescuing Teague.

"He was a good monkey. He was always chatterin' though. You'd think he thought I understood him, the way he'd go on and on. Day and night." Teague said, before laughing. "Smart thing too. Always knew exactly where I left my keys. Either that, or he moved them."

"And what was his name?" Barbossa asked.

Teague stopped laughing. "You two have work to do. Off with you now! The Black Pearl ought to be as shiny as a pearl with a crew as hard as an oyster by dawn."

A few years after Teague had killed his monkey, a woman who would later become his wife, gave birth to a baby boy. Even only a few hours old, the infant was babbling. On and on. There seemed to be no stopping it. It reminded Teague of his monkey. So much so, that Teague named his son after the monkey, Jack.

* * *

**Last night...I was trying to sleep when BAM! this hit me. That's about all I can say...**

**XD**


	17. Parenting

"Don't worry Whel-er..William." Jack said, ruffling the nine year old boy's hair. Jack had just arrived a few hours ago to visit Elizabeth when her son came in, half awake, complaining about a nightmare. "I'm sure your Da will like you."

"But what if he doesn't?" William asked worriedly. It was the night before the "One Day", and William had no idea what Will was like apart from the stories he's heard. According to the stories, Will Turner was a strong, handsome, brave man who, in Jack's words, "lacked a certain amount of common sense that would keep him from doing something stupid like-say threatening an armed pirate he didn't know for possibly threatening the woman he loved."

"He will." Jack said, smirking. "If you are only half awake tomorrow, you'll make yourself look bad."

William nodded before running back to his room. Elizabeth watched her son go, before turning to Jack. "I never thought you would be good with children."

Jack took a swing of rum from a nearby bottle. "Why not?"

Elizabeth turned around to clean a mirror on the wall. She ignored the feeling of being watched. "I just cannot picture Captain Teague being a good parent."

Jack's smirk dropped into a straight face…

_Years ago…_

_"Da, I had a bad dream." Six year old Jack Sparrow said, walking into the Study. He was only dressed in a small shirt and trousers, and his hair was all messed up._

_"What about?" Teague asked, putting his pen aside. It took a good part of his self control not to smirk. 'I wonder what kind of dream could scare Jackie so bad that he'd wonder into the halls alone at night…'_

_"I had a dream that you were caught and sent to the gallows and I had to watch and-"_

_Teague sighed, patting Jack's head. "Now Jackie, you know that was just a dream. They wouldn't hang me if the caught me." He said softly, sound more like a parent than usual._

_"Really?" Jack asked curiously. He pictured that Teague had an escape route already planned. Maybe he'll keep a weapon hidden and kill the man with the keys? Maybe he'll bribe the man. Maybe the dog will show up-which was very unlikely-and give him the keys?_

_Unfortunately, Teague did not mean that…_

_"If they were actually good at their job, they'd shoot me on the spot, cut off my head, and hang that from the bowsprint." Teague explained, in the same tone he had before._

"He tries." Jack said after a moment. "Though he doesn't always get it…"


	18. Possibly the Best Thing

The Faithful Bride was full of noise, as usual. People were shouting, screaming, laughing, and snoring in the dimly lit room. Jack Sparrow smiled as he walked in. After being away for far too many years-months rather-the tavern hadn't changed at all. He could even recognize the people that were there the last time he came. He sat down at his usual table near the back, took a deep breath of the scents of rum, vomit, old fish, sweat, and far too many perfumes, and happily leaned back in his chair. It almost felt like home.

And then something dropped on the table. Jack opened his eyes, narrowing his eyes in confusion. It was a wooden crate with a note nailed to the top, addressed to him at the Faithful Bride.

"Barmaid says it showed up last week." Mr. Gibbs explained. Jack looked up at him for a minute. He simply rolled his eyes, before turning around to get the rum.

Jack pulled the paper off from the top of the crate, already knowing exactly who it was from. Teague's handwriting was unmistakable. The contents of this letter did surprise him though.

'_I found these at River Thames, you idiot._

_-Da'_

"And we were just starting to like each other." Jack mumbled, rereading the letter with a smirk on his face. He couldn't help but to laugh a little. After rereading the letter yet again, he folded it back up and stuffed it into his sash. He could put it in a better place once he returned to the long boat. Jack then pulled a knife out from his sash and went to work on the nails of the crate. As soon as the lid was off, the smile on Jack's face turned into a big grin.

Inside was possibly the best thing anyone had ever given Jack: his old jacket and his beloved tricorn hat…

* * *

**I was reading the Pirates of the Caribbean Wiki page about Jack's hat, and realized that he had lost it when he and Angelica escaped The Captain's Daughter. Just to be sure, I rewatched On Stranger Tides and noticed that he jacket was gone...**

**I am also very curious as to exactly how Barbossa's clothes ended up on the Queen Anne's Revenge...Blackbeard likes to take a man's clothing after caturing his ship?**

**In this story, let's just say that the jacket was left behind...**

**I am shockingly blocked up on every story (fan fiction and original), AMV, and script I've been working on...makes finishing them very difficult...**

**So of course the only story I'm not blocked up on is the one I have no intention of actually finishing...**


	19. Damn it Jackie

The plan was simple: just sneak in to the ball, find the money, and slip back out. Jack Sparrow was confident with his plan. The teenager thought that his plan was fool proof. After leaving home yet again, he used more money than he expected to on a boat. Now, he was running low. Luckily, he found out about a wealthy family nearby celebrating their daughter's wedding. Perfect occasion to act as a distraction. Unfortunately, he had been seen in town earlier.

Which is why Jack Sparrow was in a dress.

After putting on the dark blue dress, Jack brushed his hair. He was shocked to find that, after brushing it, his hair went past his shoulders. Carefully, he pulled the top layers back and tied it with a dark blue ribbon he'd found with the dress. Then, Jack went to the mirror and applied lots of makeup, grateful for having watched his mother so many times when he was younger.

An hour later, Jack was at the mansion, successfully pretending to be a woman. He knew enough about women to know how to act. He waved a fan to himself, waiting for the best time to sneak out of the Main Hall.

Suddenly, Jack felt an arm around his waist as a man led him out. Jack went along in shock. How would a proper woman act in this situation? They were walking toward a backroom when it came to him. He whipped around to slap the stranger….

Teague caught his hand by the wrist. Teague was a friend of this family and was invited. He was actually talking to the father of the bride about Jack when he noticed him. Now, Teague just looked his over. And then he looked him over again. And again. He didn't know how to react to seeing his son in a dress. Of course he was angry that Jack was in drag, but he looked so ridiculous that Teague couldn't stop smirking. "Damn it Jackie…."

* * *

**I had to. I had to write about Jack in drag. Actually, I had to write about Teague catching Jack in drag...**


	20. Teague's Table

"Boy, will you get off my table?" Teague roared at Jack, silencing the room of celebrating pirates. They defeated the East India Trading Company that day, and were busy celebrating in Shipwreck Cove or on the docks the best way they knew: by getting drunk and talking to as many women as possible. Currently, Captain Jack Sparrow was lying on top of a woman on the table, kissing her. No one noticed until Teague said something.

Jack quickly slid off the table as everyone went back to their business. The woman left him to go talk to someone else. Annoyed, Jack walked over to Teague. "Now you have a problem with me being with a woman?"

"I don't care about that. You can sleep with every woman on this blasted island. I couldn't care less about that." Teague replied, before narrowing his eyes. "Just not on the table I eat my meals at."

"Ah." Jack said, realizing why Teague might've been upset.

"Anyways, Jackie, I've been meaning to talk to you."

"About?"

"I heard a story not too long ago." Teague said, lighting a pipe. "Something that happened months ago with you."

_'He's not talking about the kraken, is he?'_ Jack thought, watching Teague. He had that unusually serious look on his face that made Jack nervous. Very few people could make him as nervous as his father could. Especially when Teague was smoking. Jack still remembered a few times when Teague "accidentally" emptied the contents of that pipe on him as a child.

Teague gestured for Jack to come closer. "Jackie, is it true that you burned down Rumrunner's Island?"

Jack just stared at Teague, shocked. "Dad…the stories that I died recently don't bother you?"

"Jackie, I hear more stories about you being dead than alive. If every one bothered me, I'd go mad." Teague said flatly. He crossed his arms across his chest, looking at Jack. "That island, however…."

"I didn't-"

"You know our family has many memories on that island. Birthday celebrations, funerals, weddings," Teague paused for a moment, thinking. "You know, I think me and your Mum made you on-"

"I didn't burn that island." Jack said quickly, already trying to block out the mental image of his parents making love on that island. The image was already there and it would probably take several more drinks to erase it. "I tried to stop Lizzie."

"Anyways Jackie, you look well for recently being fish food. Can't say the same for smell though." Teague teased with a grin. "Tell me, did the kraken die before or after he finished eating you?"

Jack simply glared at Teague.

Still grinning, Teague patted his son's shoulder. "You did good today. You have my permission to get back to your lady so long as you're off my table."

* * *

**I started this months ago but completely forgot about it until this morning.**


End file.
